Beautiful Lie
by Beeka
Summary: Draco Hermione implied. Hermione's PoV. The war is over, but the heartache isn't. Warnings: suicide. Oneshot!


**Disclaimer/AN:** All characters property of JKR, and song lyrics taken from the song _"A Beautiful Lie"_, by Amy Studt, from the Album _False Smiles_.

**Beautiful lie**  
_  
_

_#There's a sadness that they don't see  
When you come to me with your sorrows.  
It's not enough for you to cry  
'Cause you don't know why it still hurts#_

I hated seeing him like that; sad. He always pretended he was okay, but I could see it in his eyes. The truth. The pain. All day he would put up his defences and pretend to everyone that he was alright. But at night,when we were together, there was always a sadness that only I could see; that only I knew of.

_#I know we've been here a thousand times,  
With your past full of lies, it's still there.  
A constant struggle to find yourself  
But I know that I can't help at all#_

Sometimes he'd say nothing about it and act like he used to before any of it happened. Other times he would sit and talk for hours about it all. I didn't mind. Not that it was something I enjoyed, but his voice was so very soothing after all the screaming that haunted my dreams, memories of the days where screaming was all that seemed to fill the world. If it helped then I would've listened to him for days on end. But it didn't help. Nothing could make it better. He couldn't come to terms with what had happened and I couldn't help him move on until he faced it and accepted it.

_#You don't have nothing but pride to keep  
you alive.  
I could say it will be fine, but it's a  
Beautiful lie  
So please don't leave it all up to me#_

What could I say though? When I tried to comfort him he'd lash out and say I didn't understand. It was true: I didn't know how he felt. I don't think anybody could understand, and that's what made it so hard; he didn't have anybody to look to, to see how to come out of it all. He would stroll around like he used to in the day to try to prove to others that he was fine, but I think that made it worse: he couldn't grieve because he was too proud to show he was hurting. I think it might have been that he was trying to prove to himself too, as well as the rest of the school, because he didn't want to admit that his life was effectively ended.

___#I see the way they talk at you  
They're always trying to prove that they  
are better.  
You run away, 'cause you can't take the  
Way they make you feel#  
_

Everybody tried to comfort him, but he didn't want people's sympathy. They told him he'd be fine and would come out stronger in the end, but we both knew it would never end like that. Sometimes he would lock himself away for days- not eating, not drinking, not sleeping; just thinking. I couldn't help but feel totally useless. I would go up to him, but he was so cold with me. I knew he couldn't help it, but I wished it could all go back to the way it used to be between us; back when he told me he loved me and we would laugh and smile and make love. I know he wished he could go back to, but not for me, for them. The problem for me is that if he did go back, I know it would be back to before me, long before, so that none of it would ever happen because he knows as well as I, although we never would speak of it, it is because of our relationship that it happened, that his parents were murdered. They were murdered taking the fall for their son.

___#Another self hate behind locked doors  
But then nobody knows some thing's wrong#  
_

I know I was selfish because I wanted to have him back for me. I wanted somebody to hold me and tell me it would all be fine, like I had to do for Draco. But nobody was left for me. Draco had to watch Voldemort torture and destroy his parents so that he could live, but at least he got to say goodbye. I lost Harry and Ron without any warning at all. I think the only reason I stayed strong for so long was for Draco. But I was breaking too. Inside, I was as dead as he was.

___#You made the cage that you cannot break;  
I try but I can't help at all#_

In the end I gave up trying to comfort him. The only way out for him was to find it in himself to leave behind the world he grew up in. I always knew it would take a while, but I never imagined it would take that long. In the end, we both knew the only way to get rid of all the pain, so we agreed to do it... together.

___#Lost in silence,  
Trapped by violence#  
_

We didn't have anybody to say goodbye to; nobody that really cared, so we just did it. Nobody spoke, but I could have sworn I heard him whisper my name. It would be for the last time as we stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower. I looked over to him and mouthed: "I love you". He smiled. It may not have been anything like the smile I had become used to over the years, but it was more than I'd seen in the last few months. For a second I doubted if what we were about to do was the right decision. What if he could come through it all? Who was I kidding. He was smiling because it was going to be over.

He took my right hand in his left, brushed his lips over the tips of the fingers of his right and placed it to my lips. A kiss. A goodbye.

Then we jumped.

___#I can feel you  
I can heal you  
I can help you  
It's a beautiful lie#_

You could say everyone who suffered died for a good cause...

___but it's a beautiful lie._

**&$ Fin > &$**

Please review!


End file.
